Monthly Archives: February 2015

Facebook Apology to William Fuller, ca. 2012

Facebook Apology to William Fuller, ca. 2012
Ryan Everett Felton

          Billy,

          It’s nearly twenty years overdue, but my therapist and I feel that I owe you an apology, and it’s all to do with the monkey I brought into Mrs. Stockholm’s class, back in fourth grade.
          You’ll remember, of course, Gipper the capuchin monkey. I’d imagine nobody from the Crestwood Elementary class of ’96 could forget me strolling down the hall that morning, a chittering primate hanging off my neck. I felt like the king of the school that day. Suddenly the kid nobody ever noticed was a rock star. Gipper was the most exciting thing to happen to the class in, well, probably ever, and I was his ambassador.
          It only occurs to me now that the other kids didn’t like me, didn’t think I was cool. It was all Gipper. Continue reading

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A Routine

A Routine
Ryan Everett Felton

          One.
          Two.
          Three.

          I shift the car from park to drive the requisite number of times. I count along in my head, as the ritual demands.
          Four.
          Five.
          Six.
          Seven.

          Then I lick my lips seven times and back out of the driveway. It is 7:00 in the morning when I leave for another day at the office, and I will time my arrival so that the digits on the other side of the o’clock colon can be divided by the magic number. I do this every day.
          I do this to protect the world from certain catastrophe, and you’re welcome. Continue reading

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